I stumbled upon this awesome tutorial on how to shirr (or smock) fabric on Pintrest, and I immediately decided I was going to make Miss Alice a shirred dress. Alas, that was weeks ago, and I still hadn’t gotten off my keister until this morning. What lit this fire under my ass? Hang on to your britches; I’ll tell you in a moment.

I have decided that it turned out alright, but only because it looks cute from afar. Up close, it is a hot mess. Machine-shirring fabric really is a cinch, once you figure it out. But getting to that point is a whole lotta “Gdmit, you stupid gggr… FINN! STOP putting that pencil in the dog’s butt! Why isn’t this werrking….. Agh! Sonofa. Why am I still doing this????”

The old me (the one with just one kid, no blog and no on-the-side graphic designing) would totally have made another dress and it would have been super amazing. That will have to wait. This will do for now. Done is better than perfect.

Watch out there, Alice. You don’t want to pull a Britney and show off your lady parts.

So, why The Sound of Music? I was cleaning out the linen closet when I found these: curtains from our old house in Spokane. What’s a girl to do with a pair of old curtains? Pull a Maria (aka Julie Andrews) and make them into frightening adorable outfits for children!

Can’t you just see it now? My own clan of little VonTrapp children, all clad in machine-smocked garb, belting out “So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night…” I’d even make matching lederhosen for Finny, and curtain-collars for Walter and Violet. We could donn them and hike to 15,000 feet to evade an asshole dictator. It would have been a wonderful sight, no?

via Sew, Lindsay, Sew

Speaking of lederhosen, Finny actually has a pair. A real, suede pair. My grandparents brought them back from Germany and they have since been peed in by my three little brothers. The culmination of three little boys’ urine has made them, uh, stand up on their own. They are currently being cleaned and will arrive with matching wool knee socks and red and white gingham shirt shortly. (I am totally not kidding.) Once they do, I will be sure to have a photo shoot. I do need humiliation fodder for when this little guy gets into high school and brings home a girl whom I will probably think is a hussy.

For now, the closest I will get to being part of The VonTrapp Family Singers is Alice’s little curtain-dress. I’ll even sing “Edelweiss” while I put it on her. It is times like this where I wish my parents had named me Liesl. But I am glad I didn’t end up with a Nazi as a boyfriend.

I seriously HAVE to watch that movie again soon. I am convinced that Julie Andrews is the classiest broad in showbusiness. And I love the “What is it you cunt face” part (brought to my attention by Caroline Rhea here; watch Caroline describe it first, please, it is HILARIOUS). And this little gem from Pile of Babies made me laugh so hard I f’ing cried.

So, I guess this is so long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night…