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Greetings from New England!

We are in the midst of yet another family torture session road trip; this time hitting up the only part of the Continental United States I have yet to grace with my presence. Business brought Nathan here; I can only assume the rest of us were insane at the time we decided to tag along.

So far, no one has lost a finger, but our air conditioner broke in the House with Wheels. In the middle of a heat wave. This is actually a good thing; since the air conditioner was the only thing that hasn’t shit out on us since we’ve bought it. So that’s out of the way.

I’m gonna remind you we bought this thing brand new in October.

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The manufacturer is doing their best to set it right; overnighting an air conditioner to the closest dealer to our destination. But that still puts us without air until Wednesday night. Instead of hitting up Bean Town, we decided to get a little farther north to try to chase a cooler climate. Just today, we have been in Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire and Maine. Goddamn, these states are tiny.

We were gonna wait until Maine to have a lobster dinner, but we stopped when we saw a sign for lobster for four dollars – FOUR DOLLARS, PEOPLE – so we had to stop.

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Normally, I would say swinging your food around for a “Two lobsters for lunch – fuck yeah!” picture would be a little passĂ©, but these bad boys came in a styrofoam to-go box. No class necessary at this joint. We might as well have pinned I’m-a-tourist-overcharge-me signs to our backs.

I also have to report we have a little vegetarian in the making over here. Finn burst out into tears when we dug into the second lobster.

“It is my friend! And he is sleeping! Put him back in his bed! I didn’t get to say goodbye!”

I’m not kidding.

I mean, that lobster had a few good coloring sessions left in him. So sad. He was so young. And it always seems to happen to the truly good lobsters, you know? Such a tragedy.

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Since the restaurant was ocean side, we decided to donn our swimming costumes and hit the beach. I still refuse to buy a new swimsuit until I drop all the baby weight. Which puts me in my old bikini. I’m trying the embarrass-the-shit-outta-myself approach to losing the last ten pounds. Nothing like public ridicule to get a jump on that weight loss plan.

Ahhh… Time to get back to my extra sugary Slush Puppy. I am on vacation, after all. What? Did you think you would get a glimpse of my wiggly ass in a bikini?

Surely you jest.

More reports of our travels to come.

Over and out.

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