Honestly, the last two days have been a complete blur. They have been rife with temper tantrums (from all but little Alice), but also with priceless, happy memories. The kind that are schmaltzy and warm; the ones normally reserved for after you get home; when everything seemed like it was a good time. The type that are viewed through the lens of your camera, through rose-colored lenses. The nice shit you recall before the credit card bill comes.

We started Tuesday off with homemade pancakes and sausage at The Happy Moose in Orchard Beach, Maine. Then we headed over to the Portland Head Light over at Cape Elizabeth. Now I too can say that I holiday at The Cape, never mind that it isn’t that Cape, or that I only spent a few hours there.


We spent a good while stacking rocks on the shore after checking out the lighthouse. It was wonderful. I don’t give a shit how baloney that sounds. It was. No meltdowns, everyone was happy. We were having what Nathan and I envisioned a New England vacation would be. After a snack of gummy lobsters, we packed back into the car. And that is when reality set in.

Mother fucker. It is hot here. No photos will ever capture that. But this one comes close:

“Yes, ma’am. We have sweaty toddlers; they are in bay number one. If you see the sweaty baby, you’ve gone too far.”

We stopped at the DeLorme Map Company to check out Eartha, the world’s largest world globe. I’ll save you a trip; it was just as you would expect it to be. Big. Round. Worldly. Maybe that’s your sorta thing; if you are into big balls.

We found a place to park the House with Wheels for the night and headed into downtown Freeport, Maine. Did you know L.L. Bean is headquartered there? And they have an actual brick and mortar store? I thought they were just a mail order company. Those bastards know my new address before my mother does. Which is amazing, since I’ve only ever bought a very unfortunate looking puffy best from them in college.

We capped the night off with ice cream. One of the best vacation days EVER.

But, to every ying there is a yang.

Today was supposed to be the crown jewel of our vacation. We went to the Conway Scenic Raleway in North Conway, New
Hampshire. What was touted as a scenic, 55 minute trip through the White Mountains with delicious, gourmet faire actually turned out to be a five mile, jiggly journey past a trailer park, numerous scrap heaps and distant views of mountain vistas. With an eight dollar hotdog. And less than gourmet salad and pulled pork sandwiches.

Wobbly Train + Camera Phone = NOPE.

It was fine, really. Just not the fabulous attraction it was built up to be. Finn didn’t notice. He was on a train! HUZZAH!

You can just see it on Nathan’s face; I spent seventy-five bucks on this shit?

After a jaunt through the Mt. Washington Weather Exploration Station exhibitty (oh, exciting!!), we polished off the day with a nice drive along Kukamanga Highway (or something) through the White Mountain National Forest. It was awesome. Mostly because the kids slept almost the whole way.

We are only on day four of this vaycay, and it is seriously kicking our asses. We are all exhausted. But right now, I am resting my weary bones while Nae is doing laundry. If this isn’t vacation, I don’t know what is.