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I have a few vices. Lots of them, actually. But here are the Big Three. The Trifecta. The ones that are my own personal brand of heroin… (Shout out to you and your amazing, totally articulate literature, Stephanie Meyer! You totally got shafted at last year’s Pulitzers.)
Diet Coke.
White Bread.
The word “fuck.”
All these things are bad for me. Well, the f-bomb isn’t necessarily bad for me, so much as it is a crappy thing to say in front of my three-year old. I’m trying my best at keeping it out of my vocabulary when he is in earshot. But, then I drop a bowl of raw, cubed chicken breast marinated in olive oil and lemon juice on the floor. FUCK! Out it slips. I can’t help it. It is a bad thing, but so is salmonella festering on the kitchen floor; and unfortunately all you can do is do your best to clean it up and hope it won’t infect your kids.
And here is the thing about Diet Coke… I know I’ll never be able to kick this habit. All it is about is keeping this one under control. I’m sure I could polish off a twelve pack in forty-eight hours if left unchecked.
A few months ago, when we permanently cut white bread off the team of Grocery Store All Stars, I died a little inside. I mourned the loss of my fluffy white friend, but after a few days, I got used to wheat bread. I don’t mind it so much anymore. I don’t eat near as much bread as I did when we were buying white bread. I suppose that was the point, after all.
Today, I fell off the wagon. I had a relapse. I bought frozen bread dough, patiently waited for it to rise, popped it in the oven and sat in the kitchen for twenty minutes while its intoxicating aroma filled the air.
The next thing I knew, I was hoovering the crumbs off Finn’s plate.
Damnit. He got to it first.
Oh. My. God. I just ate an entire loaf of bread.
Good thing that I had that crisp, cold Diet Coke to wash it down.
Fuck.
You are so funny and are the highlight of my day. So you are either so unbelievably awesome or my days are pretty drab. I prefer to believe that your just so awesome. Anyway…..Try Brownberry 12 Grain Bread.It was the only thing that got me away from white bread. That is regular white bread…. like for a peanut butter sandwich or toast. That stuff you put in the oven …. I can almost smell that from Chicago and I would of ate it all too.
Uncle Dan
Uncle Dan, you wouldn’t steer me towards bread with whole seeds in it, would you? I’m sorry, but bread should not be crunchy. 🙂
If you were to ask 1,000 people why they drink diet soda and other drinks with artificial sweeteners, I expect the vast majority (if not all) would tell you it is because they are “watching their weight” and these products have no calories.While it is true that diet sodas have no calories, it has never been proven that they help with weight loss. In fact, as I have reported in this space before, many studies have clearly shown that diet soda may do the exact opposite: make people gain weight. Read the article about Excitotoxins and avoid consuming all diet products containig aspartame. Natural Stevia is a better alternative.-
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