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I have been asking myself this question for a few weeks now.  Short answer?  I have no idea.

I started blogging because I thought it would be fun to start documenting our lives; having kids, renovating the house, being creative (or my struggle to stay that way). I kept up with a lot of blogs, most of them home design and DIY-ish stuff.  I thought it would be fun…  Right?

And it is.  But shit.  It is a ton of work.  The work isn’t so bad, but it is the feeling that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM MOTHERFUCKING DOING that makes me think that I am totally missing something.  Take this, for example:  Two weeks ago, I started tagging posts, and all of a sudden I have all sorts of folks I don’t know liking my posts.  And by “all sorts of folks,” I mean, like, two or three a day.  And this afternoon I had SEVEN people like my post.  Which is downright laughable in the blogging world, but to me, it is seven people who I would never thought looked at my funny little life and liked it.

I’m not even sure who I really am as a blogger.  There are a few blogs that I have lost interest in (even though their posts were awesome) simply because I kinda felt like they were sort-of on the douche-baggy side.  Why is that?  It is like high school all over again.  I must be jealous of their success, or something.  Ah, the joys of being a woman and a blogger are downright fantabulous, no?

Why do I feel like I need the validation of measurable success?

On the other hand, there are other blogs that I follow simply because I like the people blogging.  Case in point:  Young House Love.  If you have any interest in DIY-ing home renovation, I dare you NOT to like them.  They are the kind of people who I totally think I could be friends with.  The fact that I have never spoken to them doesn’t mean anything, I guess.  🙂  But that isn’t necessarily me, either.

But who the hell am I?  This really is high school, damn it.

I don’t want to be one of those Mommy Bloggers who simply gush about how great their kids are, or how wonderful their husbands are, or how great it is to have found Jesus Christ Our Lord And Savior.  I am generalizing, but that isn’t my life.  And it sure isn’t me.

I’m also not doing it to try to gain a massive following and rake in the big bucks from blogging.  Let’s face it; my seven likes aren’t going to be a big draw for any advertisers.  And I can get a pretty wicked potty mouth from time to time.  Truth be told, I don’t want to have to put any work into this blog, I just want to keep WANTING to do it.

I need a place where I can still be me.  The old me, the one who used to have a job, and a life of her own.  And most of my humor is lost on a three-year-old, anyway.  At the same time, I hate the feeling that I am screaming into the Internet black hole “Look at me!!  I’m funny!!” because what if I’m not?

Here is the deal.  I really need to just accept the fact that I am doing this for ME.  Own up to it, you know?  Right?  (Even now I am asking for validation.)  I’ll say “fuck” if I want (sorry Grandma Mary), and I’ll gush if I want, and I’ll bitch if I want.  I’ll post up pics of my awesome felt rhinoceros or my super lame Thomas the Tank Engine.  I’ll be funny, or not.  This post is proof I can be bitchy and not funny at the same time.  Multitasking!!

And if you don’t like it, suck it.

But if you do; welcome!  I’d love to share this whackadoodle ride to crazy town with you.  Most of all, I just want to keep it real.  So I can look back on this in a few years and smile.  At the life that was mine.

So, if you are one of those folks who found me by Internet Magic, or you know me in real life, tell me….  Why do you do blog?  Do you feel this way, too?  Do you know what you are doing?  And if you do know, how on earth did you figure this shit out?

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