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Amidst all the hullabaloo associated with the move and playing single mom, I also have Alice’s party to gear up for. Thank GOD Nathan is back home now, but yesterday I had a rare moment where both kids were sleeping. Instead of putting my nose to the grindstone on things I have to get done, I (gasp) did something I wanted to do.

I started on Alice’s cake. I know it is perfectly acceptable to just order one, but this may be my last chance to spread out in my kitchen and get all good and covered in sugar. If I didn’t have spawn to tend to, I would make cakes all the time… But if I didn’t have said spawn, who would I make them for? There are only so many penis cakes a girl can make.

Oh, you thought I was kidding? And for the record, my limit is four. I’ve got one more in me. (That’s what she said.)

This is the cake I’m ripping off inspired by; so I’d need a small army of elves to help make all these flowers. Or an hour to myself. Same diff.

I picked up a set of three flower cutters Michaels for about $2.50 with a coupon. I debated buying the “flower shaping” foam, but quickly realized it was a couple of sheets of Fun Foam over a piece of regular 1″ foam. I opted to make do with what I had at home, no matter how cool the flower shaping tool set looked.  I ran my tools from my polymer clay days through the dishwasher and called it a day.

I would love to say that I gathered all my supplies first, but that would be lying.  I should have gotten all this crap ready to begin with…

  • Fondant
  • Powdered Sugar
  • Rolling pin
  • Flower Cutters
  • Shaping Tools (or the end of a clean paintbrush)
  • Small paintbrush & bowl of water
  • Small piece of Fun Foam
  • Small piece of 1″ foam
  • Sprinkles or nonpareils for the centers of the flowers

Knead the fondant until it is soft.  Use powdered sugar like you would flour if you were rolling out a pie crust.  Don’t you love my ghetto rolling pin?  I dropped it last week, and the wooden handle split.  I haven’t had time to get a new one, so I’m rockin’ a good old hunk of marble for now.  After rolling out the fondant to about 1/4″ to 1/8″ thick, I started cutting out my flowers; giving a quick little twist to the cutter to cut cleanly all the way through.

Stack the Fun Foam on top of the 1″ foam and place the cut flower on top.  Using the end of a paintbrush (or a fancy Wilton tool if you prefer), apply gentle pressure while pulling from the end of each petal toward the center.  The petal will curl up.  More pressure = more curl.

For the centers, I used the paintbrush to wet the center of the flower and then placed a few nonpareils (what the hell is a “nonpareil” anyway??) to the wet, sticky fondant. I suppose you could also pipe a bit of frosting in the center if that’s your thing.

Now repeat all those steps, like, a hundred times.

My original plan was to set them out to dry overnight, but when I woke up this morning, the centers were still wet.  They were like little ticking time bombs; it was only a matter if time before Finn got his grubby little hands on them.  I debated taking a blow dryer to them…  But then…

Lightbulb!  Food dehydrator!  That bitch needs to earn its place in my cupboards.

Once they are all dry, I’m going to pack them up and haul them to Chicago for the cake’s final assembly.   I must be the craziest broad ever to want to transport a cake 400 miles for a christening.