Unless you are a nurse, then this may only tie for third place.
It has been about a decade since I purchased those snazzy little Biore Pore Strips. I happened to pick some up yesterday, and let me tell you… Ugh. It was gross. But that isn’t what I am about to show you.
Reader’s Digest Version: Hairless Dog with Bad Skin + Biore Strip = HOLY CRAP. Yu-UCK.
Meet Walter. He is our Chinese Crested dog, and yes, he is bald. He is also chronically grumpy, but so is Nathan; I’m thinking male pattern baldness might be a contributing factor to their attitudes. Walter isn’t just bald, he has really bad skin. Let me put it to you this way; if Proactive made a product for dogs, Waltie wouldn’t even qualify as a spokes-dog because there is no way in hell he would ever improve enough to get his fellow canines to pick up the phone and order a free 30 day trial.
I don’t much care that you think he is ugly; most people do. I know everyone thinks it, but I simply cannot see it AT ALL. To us, he is adorable. We love him. I look at him and all I see is naked-blackhead-covered cuteness. So be it.
Nae and I always joked about putting a Biore Strip on him, just to see if it would help. After I used one yesterday and was totally shocked/awed/grossed out at what came out of my skin, my thoughts turned to poor Waltie. I think he saw some kind of evil glint in my eye, since he totally went running as soon as the lightbulb went off in my head.
If you a squeamish, this is the part where you look away. I’m not kidding. If you are eating; try back when you are done scarfing that bowl of Capt’n Crunch.
Here is a close up of the worst part of his skin (most of the rest of him is as smooth as an old man’s liver-spotted head):
And then this happened:
And then I let out an audible gasp of equal parts horror and amazement. LAST CHANCE TO LOOK AWAY….
I don’t know why I chose to share this with you. I think it is one of those things like “Oh, this smells like death! Here, you smell it.” It warranted an immediate text to Nathan. To which he responded (only half jokingly) that we should make him a body/mummy cast out of pore strips. Nathan and I really are cut from the same cloth.