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Ohmygod. I feel like I just ran a month-long marathon. Without any clothes on. While trying to recite the first 415 digits of pi.

Lemme explain… No, lemme sum up.

This whole house-selling business is for the birds. Nathan and I were so unbelievably stressed getting the house completely remodeled and buttoned up. It went on the market. For two weeks, we I kept the house spotlessly clean and had dozens of complete strangers clomping their boots into my house, using my bathroom and drinking my coffee – most of whom I never laid eyes on. They peeked into the most private areas of our lives, then left, leaving only their scent. Our stress levels were through the roof.

Then we got a buyer! Yippee! But with that came more stresses; working out the dollars and cents of things, having a home inspector nitpick through every inch of our house, discover that we were living with (just barely) elevated radon levels for the last two years, calling insurance companies and roofing contractors because our new roof wasn’t up to code and doing ridiculous yet easy repairs that the buyers requested. They find tightening the bolts on one of the toilets above their pay grade, I guess.

When the appraiser came, we got a pretty good feeling from him that everything would be alright. No news is good news in that arena, and it has been a week.

Getting Nathan moved out was another major hurdle, but that went off without a hitch. His first day at his new job was today – he didn’t sleep in or wear the wrong shirt or step on any toes. Good news.

And now that our radon levels have been mitigated, our roof vented, and our toilets tightened, I have finally mentally exhaled for the first time in about a month. I’ve taken a hiatus from major house cleaning. Yesterday, I actually found myself with nothing left to worry about and nothing to do but laundry. And feed the kids. And wipe butts. And repeat exactly why you shouldn’t touch the tip of a hot glue gun. And explain why the following is a fashion faux pas. In short, same as every regular day.

The faux pas I am referring to is wearing Halloween underwear at the end of November.

What did I do with my time? I did the most mundane, brainless tasks I could think of. I am officially on a mental health holiday.

For starters, I took one of Finny’s old shirts and removed the embroidered crest off the front so it would look more girly for Alice. For what seemed like (and probably was) hours, I snipped and pulled roughly a bazillion little pieces of thread from a tiny white shirt. There is something liberating about turning your brain on auto-pilot, giving the kid an iPad and slouching on the living room floor while performing a task that a gorilla with really great fine motor skills could do.

Later, I decided to shave the dog. This is one of my least favorite things to do EVER, mostly because it takes forever and Violet hates being shaved, so I hate putting her through such an ordeal that she shakes like a leaf for two days after. And then pees on your bed. Nice.

If you have ever wondered what it is like to shave my dog (c’mon, I know you would have been too embarrassed to ask), it is kind of like shaving a chicken… In the sense that Violet is such a chicken-y scaredy-dog but also it’s akin to shaving actual poultry. Or so I would think. Imagine giving a buffalo wing a buzz cut… That’s about the gist of it.

Admit it. You’re jealous.

Shaving the dog was something that needed to be done, and it is a mindless chore that makes the time pass in the blink of an eye – before you know it its midnight, you’re covered in wispy white hair and your beloved family pet is aching to urinate on your down comforter.

How many of you are DYING to have a sleepover at my house right now, by the way?

At the end of the day, my head was clear, my bones ached and I slept like a baby – which is to say I woke up twice but didn’t have a care in the world. Other than smelling the distinct odor of dog pee.

SIDE NOTE: Alice took her first steps yesterday! And thankfully Nathan only missed it by a few days. He did get to see it on Facetime, though.

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