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I was super prepared to be bummed about weaning Alice.  Though this whole process was simple with Finn – he never was much of a “boob man” and preferred to wolf down breast milk from a bottle – Alice has been a different story.  Her and I are attached in a way that Finny and I never were.  Maybe it is because Nathan and I were both full-time, stay-at-home parents until Finn was a year old, and Alice just has me during the day.  Either way, I imagined weaning her would be pulling teeth.  Not that it has been super simple, but I figured I would be met with a little more resistance.  Does it make me kinda sad?  Yep.

Last month, when I was in the throes of battle with getting Alice down for bed.  Shortly after I posted about it, I had kind of a “DUH” moment.  Maybe she’s ready to just go to sleep on her own.  I plunked her down in the crib and sat in the rocker and waited for her to crash.  Success.  The next step was cutting out the boobs.  I thought she would kick and scream… Nope.  It was fine, and the next thing I knew she was only nursing when she woke up in the middle of the night.

Last week, she started sleeping through the night again.  Sweet lord, it was fantastic.  And when she woke up at six, instead of feeding her and dozing in bed for a half hour, I got her up and fixed her strawberries and waffles for breakfast.  And that was the end of that.

Only, it’s not the end of it for me.  Quite yet.  Namely, my boobs feel like they are going to effing explode.  I remember going through this with Finn, but back then, it seemed like it was awful for a couple of days and then it was over.  This – it has been going on for almost a week, and as I check the days off the calendar, my poor boobs went from feeling like they were full of milk to feeling like they are full of ROCKS.  Last night, when it hit a fever pitch, my brain thought of cabbage.  This was a suggestion that I never even got around to trying last time.  Tell me you have heard of this… Putting cabbage leaves in your bra to dry up your milk?  At first, I thought it was just to act as an icepack, but no – there is something in cabbage leaves that somehow make your milk supply dry up. Bullshit?  Maybe.  But I was willing to try.

Nathan, being the ever fabulous husband that he is (sometimes), headed out and got me a head of cabbage last night.  He thought it was baloney, but maybe he had something like this in mind?

I know, the resemblance is striking, but this is NOT ME.  I am positive this is the first image in her portfolio, though. -via

Instead, this is what he got.

photo (5)

“Oh, I really want to sleep with you NOW.”  he teased.  “Or maybe eat a salad.”

I slept with leaves of cabbage in my bra overnight (effectively slow roasting them – I shoulda thrown in some corned beef while I was at it).  Is it wrong that I really, really want to make coleslaw right now?  Maybe I should start eating meat again – maybe my brain is turning to couscous.

All this business of wrapping my knockers in cabbage seems pretty appropriate, since my boobs kinda feel like a heads of cabbage at the moment.  Which makes me pine for the days when I had perky little things; and dread what lies just around the corner.  I started to reminisce…

ANOTHER BIG BITE mammary lane

Don’t I have something nice to look forward to?

Yeah, well, I guess I’m gonna go make lunch now.  I’m going to have coleslaw… Which is an easy thing to prep, since all I have to do is look at my toes…  Open my mouth… And bite.