I have had my eye on a mirror from Restoration Hardware forever… But as those things usually go, there was no way in hell I was going to pay half of my mortgage payment on a piece of home decor.
Still, it is a thing of beauty…
It started with an old leather belt that didn’t fit anymore wasn’t in style anymore and a reasonably priced Ikea mirror. We bought the mirror when we first moved in with the intent to copy the RH mirror. I even took apart the belt, got all psyched…. And then the project was shelved in light of laying new floors, painting walls and building beds (among other things).
A few nights ago, I swapped out the hardware at my desk and realized that the old knobs would be perfect “bolts” on the sides of the mirror.
Under the cover of darkness (kids asleep, Nathan on a business trip), I cut holes in my leather belt, slipped in the knobs…
And then proceeded to hot glue those bad boys to the mirror. I’m not sure why duct tape is held in such regard when the hot glue is obviously a more versatile adhesive.
I used a nail as a standin, but the next day, I headed over to Home Depot to asses other options. Actually, I kinda liked the nail… It was just too small. I should note that there isn’t any weight on the nail, since the mirror was already hung on the wall. I wrangled an orange apron in the hardware aisle and proceeded to stumble through my non-jargoned description of what I was looking for.
“I need a really big nail.”
The guy looked at me like I was asking him to point me in the direction of “a piece of wood.”
“You know, like one of those iron, rustic looking ones… But really huge.”
“Well, we have these.” He holds up a fifteen inch spike that might hold railroad ties into the ground. It was too big, even for my standards. That’swhatshesaid.
“Okay, you know those well-meaning Christian kids who make those ugly necklaces made of nails wired together in the shape of a cross? One of those, but obscenely large.”
OH NO. Did I seriously just ask the Home Depot guy for a giant, rusty crucifixion nail? Oh yes; yes I did.
And to add insult to injury, this is the moment I notice the gold, not-terribly-subtle crucifix nestled in his chest hair. You can’t take me anywhere, I tell ya.
In the end, I went with a regular really big nail. Apparently, they don’t stock giant, rusty crucifixion nails at Home Depot. I had the brilliant idea to spray it gold. It was rather glam at the time and I liked it… Until I got it in the wall. Now, from where I sit, it just looks like a big, brown nail. Maybe I’ll paint it black.
But, if my history is any indication, I won’t get around to it for another nine months.
This probably goes without saying, but no Messiahs were harmed in the making of this mirror. Loosen the grip on the torches and pitchforks.