I’ve done it. I have cut the cord. Truth be told, this has been coming for a while now, but it. is. officially. over.

Sorry, Facebook. I think it is time we see other people.

The end of the affair was a fizzle rather than a pop, and I’m still not sure how I feel about it yet. I haven’t exactly severed all ties; I still need Mr. Zuckerburg for work, and to get in touch with a rogue acquaintance now and again. As time drug on, I found myself dreading the touch of the little blue ‘F’ on my phone. I have been over the “Annie-Get-Your-Assault-Rifle-ers” and the obnoxious Facebook moms for quite some time, but it was the suggested businesses clogging up my newsfeed that hammered the last nail home.

I deleted Facebook from the only device that I use it on; my phone.

“Deleting the Facbook app will delete all of its data. Are you sure you want to continue?”

Uuuh… Let us take a moment to reflect…

“Oh my god, Junior looked at me and said ‘Mommy, you fat.’ How cute is that? Better hit the gym! LOL!!” How about we post about Junior’s hilarity six more times today? (And please, never, ever ‘LOL’ yourself. It is like laughing at your own joke before anyone else has heard the punchline.)

Aaand… Blocked.

(Shamefully, I dated the guy who posted this. In eighth grade, but still.)

Unfriended!

“All you gays and lesbians would just have a lot nicer time if y’all found Jesus!”

Deleted!

The Facebook app on my phone has weathered the Farmville storm of 2011, the Presidential Election last year, dozens of blown movie plots and reams of sonogram profile pics (okay, you realize you are posting a photo of your uterus on the internet, right??). Facebook and I have gone through a lot… But for the last time:

I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE AMAZING PURVEYOR OF LEATHER BOOTS THAT IS THE COUNTRY OUTFITTER. No matter how cute thier purses are.

And there is no way to opt out of these little suggested posts, so I simply opted out of Facebook all together. Albeit with a desktop safteynet.

I am under no delusions about avoiding the consumer machine by deleteing Facebook off my phone. I am, admiddidly, one of the biggest chumps when it comes to advertizing and the global marketing bonanza. Pizza Sliders from Pizza Hut!? Whu-wha? Seriously, people PIZZA. SLIDERS. I don’t even like Pizza Hut, but this time, it is gonna be different. I also know that I am a total oddball for axing the social media heavy-hitters like Twitter and Facebook. I suck at tweeting – twitting? Twatting? And I have had my fill of Instagramed dinner plates, thankyouverymuch. People thought Nathan and I were crazy for canceling our land lines six years ago. They still think we are insane for not having television. (We have televisions, just not any broadcast networks or cable). We unplugged both those things and never looked back. The only thing that I have missed is the monthly bill. Tell your mom I said ‘hi,’ will you Mr. Statement? Xoxo!

If there is one thing I am going to miss on Facebook, it is George Takei. Remember Star Trek? The ORIGINAL one? Mr. Sulu? Yeah – that guy. He is an amazing individual. All of his posts are funny, humble, witty and genuine. All that and a bag of chips. Not to mention he is in his seventies. I can only hope to be so cool. Follow him here. It is worth it. Please trust me.

Nathan thinks I’ll only last about a week without it. True, I will miss my friends’ witty quips, watching one of our Best Man’s microbrewery take off, seeing all the little kids grow up and oogling all over all the cute pooches. And George Takei. Oh, George, I will miss you the most. I just had to get out before you, too tried to schlep leather goods from your timeline.

But one thing is for sure; The Goddamn Country Outfitter will not be given a flying fuck again. LOL!!

For an interesting viewpoint on quitting The Big F, check this out. I stumbled across is while trying to find just the right thumbs down symbol. Which is a thumbs up symbol turned upside down – check out the big brain on me.