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Another Big Bite

Another Big Bite

Tag Archives: florida

The Disney Diaries, Part 4

26 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by anotherbigbite in Nerd Alert, On the Road Again, The "Joy" of Parenting

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Tags

air travel, disney, disney world, florida, parenting, Travel, traveling with kids

Sick of hearing about Disney by now?  Truth be told, I’m sick of writing about it, but this is the last one – now it is all recorded for posterity.  So hold on to your shorts; we’re almost at the end.

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By Saturday, we were running on fumes.

Our crowd was really starting to thin out; Julie and her daughter had gone home Thursday morning.  Mike left in the middle of the night on Friday.  Everyone else (but us) was slated to leave at the end of the day on Saturday.  We were set to move to a regular room since we would be the only ones left; we had our bags packed and held by the hotel until our new room was ready.  We hadn’t visited MGM (“Disney’s Hollywood Studios,” if you are being fancy and calling it by its new name) yet, and we were lucky that the first bus to arrive was ready to whisk us off to “the park with the Toy Story ride in it, Mom!”

Spoiler alert; we didn’t get on to a single ride, Toy Story or otherwise.  Ninety minutes in line with two teeny kids?  I don’t think so.

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Over the many visits we’ve made to Disney World over the years, we’ve managed to eat at a large chunk of the restaurants.  I had never been to The Sci Fi Drive-In Theater – it is themed like a 1950’s drive-in where you eat at a table that looks like a ’57 Chevy – heck, I didn’t even know where it was in the park.  Finn was game; he still talks about the “TRIPLE! Drive-In” from Ohio.  We didn’t have a reservation, but luckily arrived three minutes before they were open and successfully snagged one of the tables in the back.

Verdict?  Meh.

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After we realized that the wait was way too long for Toy Story and pulled one of those “Oh, FINNY!!! LOOK OVER THERE!  IT IS AWESOME!” parenting moves to draw his attention in the opposite direction as we raced past, we went to the Honey, I Shrunk the Kids Playground, which we knew would entertain them.  It did. To the tune of double tantrums as we pulled out of that station.

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There was another tantrum over something concerning The Little Mermaid and another over an ice cream bar…  And another as we lost a leaf that Finn was playing with.  Really?  A LEAF??

How many times did we have to make the same mistake?  The kids are not firing on all cylinders in the hot, early afternoon sun.

We checked into our new hotel room.  In the elevator, Finn lamented over the departure of everyone else.

“Grandma Sue is gone…  Elise is gone…  We are all alone.  Uncle Mike and Uncle Rick – they look the same, and talk the same, but they aren’t the same Uncle – they are gone.  Ooo-oooohhh!”  (Insert faux drama here, complete with overdramatic pouty face and wail AND a sniffle.)

Finn stripped to his undies, scrambled under the covers and watched television for two hours while Alice napped, and when she woke up, Nathan was just getting back to the room with donuts.  Aye-eeee!  She was happ-ay.

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We visited our favorite parts of Epcot – pastries in France (where Finny had his final meltdown – involving peeing on my feet – DO NOT ASK), Nemo, the toy store in Germany and hoped to hit the “big ball” (Spaceship Earth) on the way out.  It was broken, and after hanging around for three or four minutes, we decided to head out before the everyone exited the parks en masse after the fireworks.  Just as we turned away, a cheer rippled through the small crowd that had been waiting in line despite the technical difficulties.  Finny let out a cheer of his own.  We walked right  on, but a certain small boy decided to punch the buttons on our ride vehicle to have the narration in Spanish…  Nathan translated for him.

Photorealistic, no?

Photorealistic, no?

No matter how many days we visit the parks, the last one always seems to be just one too many.  We shuffled out of the park, vowed that we would wait at least two years before coming back (like we always do), and dreaded waking up at three thirty to catch the un-Magical Express back to the airport in the morning.  Good god, we were f’ing exhausted.

The next morning, we got to the lobby at four a.m. with just seconds to spare to catch the bus.  It took us over two hours to get to the airport and we nearly missed our plane.  The kids were still in their jammies when we rolled into the terminal (I broke one of my own parenting rules), we got them pottied yet still had not managed to get breakfast for the two of us.  The bonus side to flying at the ass-crack of dawn is that you have a choice of “fresh” items – for purchase, yes! – on the plane.  I ate my puny, ten-dollar cheese plate while I wrestled a very unhappy Alice.

Have you ever been on a flight with a baby that screams like it is NEVER going to stop?  Yeah, that was us on the way home.

We landed in Denver seven hours after we had woken up, but realized that it was only NINE THIRTY and McDonald’s was still serving breakfast.  We ordered waaay more food than we should have, but ate every, last, greasy crumb.  Bloated and greasy ourselves, we braced ourselves for the hour and a half car ride home.  I felt like shit.  Nathan felt like shit.  The kids felt like shit.  And we spent most of Sunday sleeping and bathing.

Now that it is over, and Alice is finally back on her regular schedule, I’m feeling two completely opposite emotions.  Part of me never wants to leave the house again, and the other cannot wait to get out on the road and have another adventure.  While we were getting ready a few mornings ago, I asked Nathan if he wanted to take a road trip to California this fall.

“Maybe we could stop for a couple of nights in Anaheim…  You know, to go to the Not So Scary Halloween Party at Disneyland?”

“DisneyLAND?!?”  Finny nearly lost his mind.  “They have a Jack the Pumpkin King Haunted Mansion at DisneyLAND!  Let’s go there!  Yes!  Oh, I’m so excited!!”

Two years, my ass.

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The Disney Diaries; Part 3

24 Monday Jun 2013

Posted by anotherbigbite in On the Road Again, The "Joy" of Parenting

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

animal kingdom, disney, disney world, dumbo, family, fireworks, florida, mickey mouse, parenting, Travel, traveling with kids, vacation

Our third day at the park was a mixed bag. We had done most of what we hoped to at Magic Kingdom, and lots at Epcot, but hadn’t made it to Animal Kingdom or Hollywood Studios yet.

For the record – we still call “The Studios” by its real name; MGM. That is what it is and what it forever shall be to me; though in a few years, when I call it MGM, the kids will probably give me the same perplexed look that I get from the Sandwich Artists at Subway when I ask them to cut the bread “the old way.”  Those high school kids didn’t have enough teeth to eat a Spicy Italian when Subway cut their bread like a boat, and my kids hadn’t been born when Disney’s Hollywood Studios was MGM Studios. What can I say?  I’m getting to be quite the old stick in the mud, eh?

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The last time we had been to Animal Kingdom, Finny had just turned two and he LOVED it.  Thinking back on it, I have no idea why it was such a wonderful experience for the three of us.  Without asking ourselves this question before we left the hotel room, we blindly boarded the bus to AK assuming the same magic would be in store for us on this trip.

Notsomuch.

It was hot.  Really hot.  While most of the cool stuff to see at Magic Kingdom and Epcot is showcased within glorious, air-conditioned splendor, almost everything at AK is outside.  It is also the biggest park; all three other theme parks could fit comfortably inside it’s walls with room to spare, and its biggest attraction, Kilimanjaro Safaris, is as big as the entire Magic Kingdom.  Oh, it is awesome, and worth the wait but it, too, is also outside.

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Our first stop was to meet Mickey & Minnie Mouse.  Over the course of our five-minute wait in line, Finny went from an excited little human to a bona fide, tyrannical monster.  He refused to even look at Mickey, have him sign his autograph book or face the camera for a picture.  Knowing Alice was a little out of sorts with the characters in general, we knew she wasn’t going to be thrilled, either.  She warmed up to Minnie just a smidge, but still clung to Nathan like a baby gorilla.  And of course Finny burst into another round of hysterics the second after we walked out of the room, wailing “I wanna go back in there and see Mickey!!  Pleeaaaase, puhlease!”

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We figured his blood sugar could use a boost; how about some ice cream?  While we waited in line, he decided to put himself in a time-out.  He marched off to the adjacent tables, whipped off his hat, popped on a chair, spun around, crossed his arms and hurumph-ed.  He sat there, ignoring us, for four or five minutes.  My brother Mike was there, and I think we may have made enough of an impression that Finny and Alice should not hold their breath for any cousins from Uncle Mike.

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We swam through the sea of sweaty bodies to see some of the animals, tried our luck with Tigger and Pooh, but ultimately decided to cut our losses and head to Rainforest Cafe for lunch on our way out of the park.  The air-conditioning and fake animals proved to be more of a crowd-pleaser than the natural climate and real animals, but I was far beyond caring.  We slunk back to the hotel, way overdue for naps.

While the kids snoozed, Mike and Jeremy indulged one of my newest forms of geekery; Disney pin trading (click on it if you are scratching your head).  In my defense, I plead temporary Disney-Insanity and I could not care less for the whole thing now that I am home…  I bought pins on Ebay for Finny to trade with the cast members, but once I realized he was not half as into it as I had hoped he would be, someone had to pick up the slack.

Before we left, I scoffed at the lah-hoose-a-hers who were so enamored with swapping enameled pins bearing Mickey’s likeness.  “Don’t be overwhelmed if you haven’t traded before,” one of the blog posts I read about it encouraged.  “Just pick a particular character or series of pins that you would like to collect.  Happy hunting!!”  I mentally rolled my eyes.  But then we got there – shit, I was a woman with purpose.

Alicia, my sister-in-law, apparently got caught up in the hype, too.  By the second or third day, her and Rick had bought enough pins that made them look like Mr. T out to pin-trade the shit out of Disney World.  Alicia and I spotted a super cute pin with a Royal Guardsman on it, and traded for it.  (They used to live in England, and she pines for it now.)  Upon toting our lanyards burdened with pins on our adults-only jaunt to Downtown Disney’s bars, it was promptly lost.  All of us kept our eyes out for another one – but since they are out of production, there was little hope of finding a replacement.

That is where The King Pin came into play.  This guy, a Disney employee, sounded like a sure thing.  I thought he’d be a nerdy guy sitting behind a folding table covered with books and books of pins…  Not quite.  He was a tall African-American gentleman with a warm smile and a little messenger bag covered in pins.  His smaller-than-planned collection didn’t matter, though.  He had it.  The Royal Guardsman pin.  And yes, I actually squealed.

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I texted Rick.  I found it.  Within a few seconds, he texted back.  Alicia is freaking out.  Is it her pin?

Turns out, Alicia had actually retraced her steps at Downtown Disney from the night before.  She suspiciously eyed every cast member’s pin lanyard in hopes they had found it lying on the ground from the night before.  Do I need to point out that she fits into our family perfectly?

That night, Alicia and were super excited.  We had pulled out some major flirtage with the concierge at the hotel to secure a spot in the highly coveted VIP fireworks viewing patio at Magic Kingdom.  We wanted to thank my parents for springing for an amazing room, and a stupid picture frame was not going to cover it.  The ‘Rents weren’t planning on visiting the parks that day; they have friends in Florida who they were meeting for dinner.  We sprung for tickets for the four of them to join us at Magic Kingdom for this mysterious, undisclosed activity.

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I am cursed by this camera. Every damn time we take an important picture, it decides it needs a coffee break. Now I will have to buy the photo that Disney took. Sigh.

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While we waited for my parents and company to meet us, we took another crack at meeting Mickey mouse.  This time, the kids were on their A game and it was a tidy little memory to tuck into our back pockets.  All of us were riding high on the successful meet and greet, and upon exiting through the gift shop (obviously…), Finny picked out a sorcerer Mickey hat (his “sorcering hat,” I’ll have you know) and Alice snatched up a stuffed Minnie.  Never in my life have I been to a place where you are happier to part with your money.

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After Mickey, we took the kids to the new Dumbo ride.  It is the same ride it has always been – a fleet of flying pachyderms rotating around an axis, but Disney proved exactly why they are as fantastic as they are with its refurbishment.  Now there are two Dumbo rides – so your time waiting should theoretically be cut in half, but it is even better than that.  Instead of waiting in line in the hot sun, they hand you a pager, you park your sweaty ass in an air-conditioned circus tent, and watch your little minions play in an indoor playground that makes McDonalds’ Playplaces look like a puke-encrusted frat house basement.  When it is your turn, they page you, and poof!  It is your turn to yank your children away from this…

1 disney 15To go for a spin on this…

Alice was so completely enamored with the ride that she would grunt and reach for anything else with Dumbo on it for the rest of the trip.  I can’t really blame her.  Yes, you just sit in a little car shaped like an elephant and spin around in a circle, but the whole setup is jaw-droppingly beautiful with the fountains, two fleets of circling, candy-colored Dumbos and happy, happy kids…

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Photobomb success.  Finally.

Photobomb success. Finally.

We met up with our parents during the Main Street Electrical Parade.  Alice and Finny had excellent views atop our shoulders.  Alice waved to everyone and everything in the parade.  My threshold for pain has skyrocketed since having the kids.  I might be super uncomfortable, but when you have a toddler who cannot contain her excitement for ladybugs, Cinderella and dragons covered in twinkling lights, you bet your sweet pippy I’ll ignore the burning pain in my shoulders from her shimmying tushie until the last float passes.

We inched along Main Street to get to the VIP area at a snail’s pace.  There were thousands of people trying to exit the park and even more vying for a good spot to watch the fireworks.  I am ashamed to say I got into a bit of a tiff with a very unhappy gentleman who decided to scream at me to get out of his way.  But it was nothing that a healthy jab to his shins with the stroller didn’t remedy (that fucker… do NOT, under any circumstances, get on the bad side of a mother with a stroller at her disposal).

When we finally got there, there was some confusion to our reservation.  Apparently we were on a special list, and not the regular one.  I was thisclose to losing it, especially after the dude who accidentally got ran over by my stroller, but it was fine in the end.  As they pulled the velvet braided nylon rope aside, I got a major feeling of superiority.  We left the riff-raff behind and had an enormous expanse of concrete with tables, chairs and a perfect view of the castle to share with about thirty other people.  Every time I have seen the fireworks at Magic Kingdom, it was always while straining my neck and pressed up against more than one sweaty body that I didn’t know.  The kids had room to run around and expel some energy this time.

What it really looked like beyond rope...

What it really looked like beyond rope…

Finny's very accurate rendition

Finny’s very accurate rendition

This was the life.

After the unequaled view of the fireworks (shoutout to you, Ryan from Escondido, CA, for scoring us the seats!!), Alice fell asleep and we took Finn on the Astro Orbiter (another Dumbo-esqe ride).

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Then he got to drive one of the go-carts at the Tomorrowland Speedway.

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Never drink [apple juice] and drive, boys and girls.

Never drink [apple juice] and drive, boys and girls.

“When we get home, Dad, I can drive your car.  See?  I’m doing a good job!”  Finny proclaimed as he swerved around the track.

It was an excellent end to our last day in Magic Kingdom.  We grabbed one of the legendary caramel apples on our way out of the park and started to mentally prepare for the next day – our last official day of vacation, and the LONG trip home the day after that.

Even though I totally thought I would rip through The Disney Diaries in three installments, it looks like there is still one more in store.  (Lucky you.)  If you are getting sick of the second consecutive week of Disney memories, pipe down and let me ride out what remains of my post-Disney World glow.

Glow?  Who am I kidding?  It’s a sunburn; with just a teeny side of exhaustion.

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The Disney Diaries; Part 2

19 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by anotherbigbite in Nerd Alert, On the Road Again, The "Joy" of Parenting

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Tags

character breakfast, disney, disney world, downtown disney, Epcot, family, family reunion, florida, Magic Kingdom, Travel, traveling with kids

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Remember how my family is a group of nerds?  Maybe I wasn’t as forthcoming as I should have been.

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1 disney 9Super Nerds.

1 disney 10Uber Nerds.

We tossed around getting matching t-shirts made to commemorate our family reunion in Disney World, but it was something that (I thought) never got off the ground…  Time ran out, neither my mom or I had any great ideas on exactly what to do with them – since there was no way we would ever just slap our names in a Disney font on the back and call it a day – so nothing ever got done.

Rather, I never got anything done.

1 disney 11My mom, sister-in-law and brother got busy behind my back, and totally out did themselves.  The shirts were off. the. chain., baby.

1 disney 6Since we are a military family (two brothers, a sister-in-law and a husband who have served or are serving), it was a giant “duh” that my mom and I didn’t come up with this idea to begin with.  They had our names and “U.S. Disney” along with their rank on the front, uniform patches on the sleeves and a giant Mickey mission crest on the back, complete with “Happiest Place on Earth” in Latin underneath.  My mom, Rick and Alicia never do anything half-assed.  They were something to behold.

Like I said, UBER NERDS.

1 disney 4We took some pictures at the hotel and then headed back to Magic Kingdom to get a few shots in front of the castle.  Just as we were finishing up, the morning parade was in full swing and Alice had a very difficult time sitting still.  She had to get up and shake her groove-thang.

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This is our "we're a bunch of badasses in our matching Disney shirts" shot.

This is our “we’re a bunch of badasses in our matching Disney shirts” shot.

Right after the parade, we hopped on the monorail to Epcot to have lunch.  The group split off afterwards and we headed to The Seas with Nemo and Friends, the “giant ball” and Journey into Imagination.  The kids were happy campers but whoa, were they exhausted.

After a nice, long nap at the hotel, we trucked back out to Epcot for dinner.  Nathan and I’s favorite thing to do in Epcot is eat; it is just about all we used to do before we had kids, but dragging the kidlets around from restaurant to restaurant was not going to go over well, so we settled for eating pastries in France.  The only time I can honestly call a Quiche, parfait, macaroons, croissant, strawberry tart and Diet Coke a nutritious dinner is when I’m on vacation.  Both Alice and Finny were happy with our dinner – obviously.

1 disney 5With our bellies full, we moseyed around The World Showcase; stopping at the Toy store in Germany and Japan’s giant department store.  I balked at the $65 price tag for the princess dresses when we got there, but after we tried one on Alice, BOTH Nathan and I were ready to fork over any amount for that cuteness.  Alice is much more sensible than her parents; she posed for a few pictures before she demanded that we take it off.  She’s a good girl.

photo 1 (1)photo 2 (1)After making the full loop, we settled in to watch the fireworks.  I always get choked up during the fireworks at Epcot; maybe it is because I would watch them every night when I worked there in college.  Maybe it is because Nathan proposed to me during them ten years ago. Maybe it is because they are simply THAT GOOD…  I have seen them literally over a hundred times, and they NEVER get old.  Oh.  I love them.

It was still early, only nine, and the kids were awake and ready for more, but we headed back to the hotel hoping to get some semblance of a normal night’s sleep.

The next day was our “day off.”  Not that we intended to relax – we just took a day off away from the parks.  My brother, Mike and his friend Julie (my best friend from junior high, actually), took her daughter, Finn and Alice to a character breakfast at The Grand Floridian.

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We hadn’t seen any characters up close yet, and Alice was terrified.  I thought she would ease up for Alice and Mary Poppins, but they freaked her out, too.  Finn had no problem with the characters.  He just DID NOT want his picture taken right when we got there.

Nope.

Best family portrait EVER.

Best family portrait EVER.

Finn polished off three bowls of Strawberry Soup – which is mostly heavy cream and pureed strawberries, and Alice was beside herself as she tore apart her Mickey waffles.  After breakfast, we took a bus to Downtown Disney and indulged Finny as he played Legos at the enormous Lego Store.  Finn Nathan crammed as many Legos as he could in the fill-a-cup-of-Legos wall.  Alice had fun playing with the Legos, too, but she went out of her mind when I took her to World of Disney’s princess section.  I wanted so badly for her to get the Rapunzel doll, but she was set on Ariel.

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Finny played in the fountains and rode the mini train…  We were all tired and happy as we headed back to the hotel.  Finn wanted nothing to do with a nap, but Alice slumbered on for hours.  Once she woke up, we took the kids to the pool.  Alice was a little leery of the actual pool, but spent an hour playing at the splash pad.

1 disney 11 disney 21 disney 3Finn, on the other hand, has no idea how to swim, but has enough confidence in the water to get him into some major trouble.  He would run off, get himself into deep water and smile as he almost drown.  We had to keep an arm around him the entire time, and it has become apparent that we need to find a place where we can teach him to swim.  Pronto.

1 disney 22We showered back at the room and headed outside to check out the wildlife on the balcony as my stepdad cooked one of his amazing steak dinners.  

1 disney 241 disney 25Before long, my cheeks were red from laughing so hard with the fam.  I forget how much fun we have when we are all together.  It was a blast, and after the kids were in bed, all us big kids headed back to Downtown Disney to have a few drinks.  I haven’t had a real drink since before Alice, and after two beers back at the room, the martini I had put me way past tipsy, resulting in an embarrassing recital of the Thriller dance…  By just me.  With no music.  In the middle of an Irish bar.  Classy…

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This is what happens when my brothers and husband have a few.

This is what happens when my brothers and husband have a few.

Stay tuned for more!

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The Disney Diaries; Part 1

18 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by anotherbigbite in Nerd Alert, On the Road Again, The "Joy" of Parenting

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

air travel, big thunder mountain railroad, disney, disney world, dole whip, family, florida, jungle cruise, orlando, theme parks, Travel, traveling with kids

Sidebar:  Happy Birthday, Rick!!  You are the best little brother a girl could ask for – but don’t tell Mike or Jer.

While the rest of the world was puttering on last week, we took a no-kidding break from reality and headed out to The Happiest Place on Earth; Disney World.  I am a massive Disney nerd – along with the rest of my family, and we all came together in a massive explosion of nerd-ness for a week.  My mom, stepdad, three brothers, sister-in-law and an old family friend (with her two-year-old in tow) thought it necessary to spend an entire week in the hot, Orlando sun to commemorate our geekdom.  Nathan was just along for the ride; he still loves me despite my affliction.

Ten years ago, most of the same players (sans the kiddos, obviously) took this same trip.  Nathan and I got engaged at Epcot during that trip (a truly hilarious, quintessential Nathan-and-Lisa story if there ever was one), and over the past decade, the entire family has been scattered to the four winds.  Ohmygod.  Life was so easy ten years ago.

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If ever there was an experience I would gladly trade for sticking myself in the eye with a ballpoint pen for, it would be flying with two little kids.  Surprisingly enough, the flight was pretty painless.  Finn spent the majority of the flight glued to my iPad, and Alice pinged back and forth between Nathan, me and an iPhone.  She tensed up quite a bit during takeoff, but by the time we started our decent into Orlando, she was an old pro.

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After an agonizing ride on the Magical Express (it was free, and you get what you pay for), there was an awesome welcome wagon waiting for us at the bottom of the motorcoach’s steps.  Since we were the last to arrive, we didn’t have to mess with checking into the hotel, and we had half a dozen able-bodied family members to help us carry our luggage and children.

It was so hard to get to sleep that first night; I hadn’t seen one of my brothers in forever (even longer for my sister-in-law); we were excited to catch up and poke fun at each other.  I laid in bed for over an hour because I was so excited.  It didn’t help that Nathan was snoring like a sixteen hundred pound gorilla beside me…  Before my alarm even went off, I was up, showered, packing the backpack for our first day at the park and getting the kids’ breakfast ready for when they woke up.  My mom and stepdad were just getting out of bed.  I was ready to go at six thirty.  For the first time since I had Finn.

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We stayed at Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge – holychrist – it was amazing.  We had a villa that slept twelve and almost everyone had their own bathroom.  We had a full kitchen that my brother had stocked with enough carbs to choke a goat, but the best part was the balcony…  As soon as Alice woke up, she grabbed her bowl of strawberries and headed out to watch the giraffes eat their breakfast.  There were wildebeest, ostriches, antelope, zebras, a very impressive herd of the most enormous cattle I had ever seen, cranes, vultures….  All sorts of animals, roaming “free,” from the African savannah.  It was like living at a zoo.

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When I say that my family is a group of Disney fanatics, realize that I am the ringleader, followed closely behind by my mother.  Right when we got to Magic Kingdom, I took off like a bat out of hell while most everyone else rolled their eyes and meandered to Gaston’s Tavern for breakfast.  I was a woman on a mission – the new Little Mermaid ride was the ONE THING that I had to do, and I was not letting anything get in my way of a measly twenty-minute wait.

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After enjoying two cinnamon rolls the size of Alice’s head at Gaston’s, we did a few other rides at the park, packed the kids back into the Disney bus and put them down for a nap.  We decided to wait to return to Magic Kingdom until  after they woke up, when it is at its absolute best – nighttime.

But before we left, we headed to Pirates of the Caribbean.  Right as we boarded, and promptly got stuck in a line of stopped boats, I thought of how Disney had to add an inch of water to Small World during its latest refurbishment – we Americans are 25 pounds heavier than when the ride was built, and all those little boats kept bottoming out.  I told Mike, Julie and Nathan they should do the same thing for Pirates.  Nathan noted that our whole boat was heavy on one side, since all the dads were sitting on the right.  Then he noted that the front boat, a few up from us, had a few rather robust individuals aboard; maybe that is why we were stuck.  I thought he was kidding.

A minute later, a Disney employee came running up along side our boats with a flashlight.

“Alright everyone!  We’ll get moving in just a second, but right now, I need everyone to raise their arms!” We did.  “Now lean to right!”  We did.  “Now lean to the left!”

I thought she was just trying to keep us occupied, but sure enough, the front boat rocked free and we all continued on our merry way.

Seriously??  Yes.  Seriously.

Finny has been obsessing over this trip for months.  He would talk about it almost every single day.  He somehow managed to find a series of Disney Travel Channel videos on Netflix, and by the time we were on our way to the park that first morning, he was no-shit explaining the ins and outs of the Fast Pass system to the family sitting behind us on the bus.  He was super psyched to go on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.  We did our best to prep him for it…

“You know it is a roller coaster and goes REALLY fast, right Finn?”

“Yes.  And it is a train.  And then I want to go on Splash Mountain and the Tower of Terror.”

Note to all parents of preschoolers; anything with a name like TOWER OF TERROR is probably not something you want to subject your four-year-old to.  No matter how ardently he insists.

But, we knew Big Thunder Mountain was pretty tame as far as roller coasters go, so we let him go.  Look how excited he was when we sat down:

photo 3

Once the ride was over?  Nope.

photo 4

Just after we got off the ride, he stopped one of the ride operators, a college girl in her wild west uniform, for a chat.

“Excuse me?  Ma’am?  That ride was way, way, WAAAY too fast.  I’m going to come back on it with my dad.  Could you make it way, way, WAAAY slower for me?”

At least he was polite about it.

We watched the Main Street Electrical Parade and the fireworks after dinner (much to the delight of both the kids), and met up with my parents, brother and sister-in-law for a Dole Whip.  I had been looking forward to a Dole Whip for months – it is pineapple soft serve, swirled together with vanilla and floating in fresh pineapple juice – in short; a frozen, theme park orgasm in a plastic tumbler.

Alice had crashed and was comfortably snoozing in the Ergo by the time the giant group of us hit The Jungle Cruise.  I love The Jungle Cruise, mostly because it seems like the only place in all of Disney World where anyone who works there acknowledges – rather, embraces – the whole ridiculous spectacle of the overpriced, gift shop-laden schmorgasborg that is Walt Disney World.  The self-deprecation of it all makes Jungle Cruise endearing to me…  And it was the only time I had ever gone on it in the dark, which brings a whole other element to it all.

By the time we left Magic Kingdom, it was just past midnight, and Finny was just beginning to wilt.  He passed out on the bus back to the hotel.

photo 5

We got the sleeping babes in their jammies and tucked in for the night.  This time, I had no problem falling asleep whatsoever.  No matter how excited I was for the rest of the trip, I was beat.

To be continued…

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